I have upgraded to the latest release today of SM 13 and the issue is not resolved. I did see the following post that was answered with the same problem: http://portal.smartertools.com/community/a553/outlook-2010-make-smartermail-calendar-my-default-calendar.aspx
If anyone has any ideas on this with possibly a third party app that would be great.
I also know that if my client had outlook 2013 or better and an EAS account installed that it would interact with the main calendar and no need for "add to outlook" basically solving the problem. In this case the client is not going to EAS and I need to make this work.