Steve,
Lists of users/domains are typically obtained using a variety of tactics including autoresponder probing, website scraping, brute-force attempts, etc. Typically a hacker will leverage a toolset that combines all of these to put together a target profile, and this is likely why they seem to know more about you than you'd like! I recommend making sure your SMTP IN protocol settings (Settings>Protocol Settings) are set up not to allow relay for anyone but authenticated user, terminate sessions after 5 bad commands, etc to prevent any kind of probing occurring. Additionally I recommend adjusting the Intrusion Detection System rules to fire on more strict scenarios like this:
Kyle Kerst
IT Coordinator
SmarterTools Inc.
www.smartertools.com